Tuesday, September 28, 2010

While we wait for the new enclosure...

Because I like to educate rather than just appall, I've decided to showcase interesting undersea facilities from around the world, both already existing and planned. This is Sea Base 1, brainchild of the engineer behind several historical habitats like the Navy's Sealab, project FISSHH, Helgoland and Tektite I:It's open both to scientists and to seasoned divers looking for an interesting experience, but it'll run you $3,500 per week to stay there, so better start looking for healthy white babies to sell! For tips on using ordinary cosmetics to improve their resale value, email me.

Anyways the tip of the structure is 21 feet deep, and the bottom floor is 61 feet deep, pretty respectable considering that the NOAA's Aquarius (covered earlier) is situated at the same depth. Deep enough to rustle your jimmies, but shallow enough that daylight reaches, making for the sort of beautiful blue scenery that makes you think, "I probably don't need both kidneys". As I've already donated both and am sustained only by a powerful hatred for those new loud-ass sunchips bags, I've elected to raise the necessary funds by whoring my supple, manly body to lonely supermodels. It's a method of last resort, but chasing down majestic tropical sea life and eating it alive will make it all worthwhile.

It should be finished construction in 2013, exactly one year after retards believe the world will end. It will be hauled out in one piece and sunk amid the largest cluster of reefs in Belize. There it will become the first permanent undersea structure in history (all habitats up to this point were removed after their useful lifespan, like Logan's Run but with undersea habitats and without palm crystals or laser guns. So I guess nothing at all like Logan's Run, but I did manage to waste several seconds of your time with that terrible analogy.)

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